I am at a loss for words.

I was going to write a story about the number of American Indians we killed.

Two studies have been conducted that attempt to number the natives killed by the United States. The first of these was sponsored by the United States government, and while official does not stand up to scrutiny and is therefore discounted (generally); this estimate shows between 1 million to 4 million killed. The second study was not sponsored by the US Government but was done from independent researchers. This study estimated populations and population reductions using later census data. Two figures are given, both low and high, at: between 10 million and 114 million Indians as a direct result of US actions. Please note that Nazi Holocaust estimates are between 6 and 11 million; thereby making the Nazi Holocaust the 2nd largest mass murder of a class of people in history.

I could write about the seven million tons of bombs we dropped on Vietnam or the 1 to 3 million soldiers and civilians we killed. I could mention the 300,000 Cambodians or the 100,000 Laotians we killed with our bombs. I could talk about the 10 years of Chemical Defoliation (Agent Orange) we introduced into their food chain. That's 1.2,000,000 gallons,

I could talk about the 64 Japanese cities we firebombed for months leaving only two alone ?  That would be Hiroshima 90-160,000 killed in year one or Nagasaki with 60-80,000 killed the first year.

I could write about the dead and wounded in the Iran Iraq war  a wat where the US supplied both sides with weapons . Yes even poison gas that was later used on the people of Iraq. 1,000,000 total deaths in that war. No one knows for sure.

I could write about the dead in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan but currently the us is not keeping a body count.

I could write if any of this was necessary or not. I could, but doing research in this made me sick and depressed. I decided not to write in depth on any of this issues because I am at a loss of words.

I had been planning a big story on these wars and deaths but it is just too much for me to handle and still try to live a happy normal life. I guess I could make excuses and or rationalizations but who would I be fooling ?  I know no one would like to read or think about these thoughts,so don't.